Don’t Fall for the Sham Independence


You should do what you are afraid of.  Definitely, it is way easier said than done.

I label myself as a person who is independent, hard-working, and responsible. I have been sleeping on a life-changing decision for the past 3 years. In 1095 days, I was always occupied and almost not fully comfortable. Because I did not face my fears and come up with a plan and thus, a decision, I did not enjoy my 1095 days moment by moment. During this period, I did not even sleep with a clear mind knowing what my next step is. One week ago, I boiled down the reason behind that chaos. I call it “Sham Independence”.


Despite being a cool thing, being “independent” is not always for your best being! It does not always work well and the results could be detrimental!
Until recently, I was afraid or ashamed to ask questions that could help me improve my life and choices. I was reluctant to ask for ideas/advice. I  thought that I am supposed to do it all on my own and know everything about everything without collaborating with anyone. And when I did ask for advice, I did not follow up upon my questions, because I thought I would be considered as a “picky/ naggy” person. I was stubborn in refusing any help, thinking that finding my way the hard way is an act of independence and maturity. It turned out that I was wrong. In fact, I was mistaken from head to toes.
The image that you see in highly achieving persons in the work place is delusional. You guys share the same difficulties and insecurities, at least comparing you as a beginner to him/her when they were beginners. Before they become excellent and productive the way they are, they have passed through the same obstacles and encountered the same challenges. They even had the same doubts and tackled the same uncertainties.
I recently learned that I should invite people, more, to my life. I realized that their input is a game-changer. I figured out that labeling your challenges and describing them to people who are in the same boat as you is vital to finding solutions, setting a plan, and moving on. In a nutshell, you are all in the same situation. You have just to be courageous and let your ego outside before stepping into a new milieu. Just ask for help when needed. Surprisingly, you will find at least one hand to offer that aid and goes what?! you will gain wonderful friends out of that!
I am blessed meeting a friend who is, now, extremely dear to my heart. The funny thing is that I always thought that because he is a highly achiever and so productive, he must be so fearless, so confident, and knows everything about everything. After spending sometime together, I found that the same person is so humane, humble, compassionate, and so helpful. His rational reasoning coupled to a pleasant sense of humor that serves to dilute the toxic effect of fear, has helped me conquer that big fear. That fear that put my mind into a “hibernation” mode and made me indecisive to take a very important step in my life. He helped me rationalize my fears. One lovely  phrase of his was: “We all have fears and we won’t know that we can manage until we are in a situation where we need to act”.
 After letting my ego aside and breaking the mind restraints I had, a complete stranger became a precious friend.
In one statement: “Let independence go to hell when it comes to crucial steps to attain the life that you want”.








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